Monday, August 9, 2010

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

As the title would suggest, I have been making a lot of decisions lately. A good portion of them were serious ones, while the rest were trivial and yet still highly important to maintaining my sanity.

Here are the funny ones:

-Deliberately choosing Chinese food for dinner, knowing that I would be going to a friend's acoustic/jazz show an hour later.

It was an interesting decision. Next time, I probably will stick with peanut butter and jelly. Throughout the evening at the show, whenever I burped it savored of garlic chicken and wontons. No es bueno!

-Reacting a little too crazy when I thought a spider had landed on my shirt.

Turns out it was just some flying insect, but it was dark outside as I walked through the door into the unlit room. I panicked and started beating my chest to get it off. My sister was behind me, wondering what my problem was. I seized the moment...made my hand look like it was holding something, turned around, and shouted "THERE IS A SPIDER ON ME!!!" and then I threw the nonexistent spider onto my sister, who freaked out. April backed up out of the doorway into my unsuspecting mother who was carrying a plate of almost eaten something and a glass, which she almost spilled. I couldn't stop cackling if my life depended on it.

-Not wearing shoes outside.

I hardly ever wear shoes outside because I like going barefoot unless I'm doing some kind of potentially foot and toe threatening yardwork. Last night as I was getting ready to go back inside, I heard my cat Tinker meowing. It was a different kind of meow. I thought she was hurt. It turns out that she had brought something home, and she was using her, "Look what I have! Look what I have!" meow...she does this whenever she brings me a toy, sock, or hair tie. I thought whatever critter that was in her mouth was dead, and at first I thought it was a mouse. Then she dropped it, and it scurried away as I shrieked and bolted away from the fence. It was a damn snake! It was just a little 4-5 inch garter snake, but jeez-louise I was terrified. I'm not afraid of snakes, I promise. It's just that I wasn't expecting her "gift" to still be alive! Now I might decide to wear shoes more often if I know the cat is out hunting.

My funny decisions were just that, funny. Though humor is essential for me to live, the aforementioned stories were not as serious as others. I won't go into too much detail because I am choosing not to, but suffice to say that these decisions were not made lightly.

I've never had to pray so much before. I was at a loss as to how to proceed because I felt like I was being pulled in one-thousand different directions.

For one decision, it all boiled down to, how do I keep myself happy and in one piece while trying to do the same for others? I learned that it doesn't always work that way. I prayed and prayed, asking God to guide me because I was completely directionless. When I finally had to make my decision, it felt good afterward. And those are the best decisions, because I knew right away that that was what God wanted. I felt at peace.

For the second decision, it was about trying to be myself and who God wants me to be in the face of what someone else wanted me to be. This decision didn't take me nearly as long as the first because time didn't allow me much wiggle room. It also happened to occur right when I was busy with the horses and stall cleaning at the barn, so I didn't have much time to actually pause and decide. So I prayed while I worked. Again, God took care of me. I felt better after the decision, knowing it was the right one.

Of course, after both I still felt numerous pangs of "what-if...", but I knew not to listen to those too much because my decision was made. I've just always been a "what-ifer."

I also realized that God really is taking care of me. I know that seems silly because I believed that before, but I never really had too many stand-out instances of proof. I try walk by faith and not by sight, but sometimes God helps me out by showing/telling me exactly what it is or needs to be. I am thankful for this gift, for the realization of this gift, and for being one of His beloved daughters.

1 comment:

Katie said...

A recent thought I had about the "What-ifs" in life...

Stop asking the "what-ifs"...
Move on from the what has been
Focus on the what is
And wait for the what will be

Love ya girl. It was so great to catch up the other night! :)